Things you never learned in your doctoral program ...

(and you refuse to learn now, on the job):

1. committee work will suck your life out through your eyeballs
2. you can't "liberate" anyone--not your students, not yourself, not the bag of SunChips stuck in the machine
3. people will always complain about bad writing (student OR high theory) because that's easier to do than to actually read something
4. you'll never get enough sleep
5. "hammerheads" and "redeyes" are the best coffee drinks, but not after 4 p.m., because you need to ...
6. get more sleep